when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
