So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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