I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
