I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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