we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize