My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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