Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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