saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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