I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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