I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
