I looked at my own cervix.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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