turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize