so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
