we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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