oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize