So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
