Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
