Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
