I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
