its not stalking. its research.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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