thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
