if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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