WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize