I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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