I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
