did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
