SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
