these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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