i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Randomize
