he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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