I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
