Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
