my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
