someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
