so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
that is very illegal...i love you.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
