dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize