y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
