Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
there is puke in my bra ... again
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