So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
