After last night, I could never be a politician.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
