Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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