let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize