whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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