i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
