I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
