Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
