Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
