I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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