So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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