This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just had sex bonerless
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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