forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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