is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
