dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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