See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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