shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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