Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
