I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
