fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
