Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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