i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
