I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize