dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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