Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
