Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Boobs speak an international language.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
