it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
