i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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