SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
