I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
