God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
