Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
