if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Text me some of your sweat
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
