sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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