I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
