nutella sex= disaster
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Bring me that man meat
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
