Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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