What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize