You made me cry and you don't even care
You really coming over, don't trick.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
