Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
