He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
this hospital has no fireball
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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