thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
it glows. i had to have it.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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