Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
