DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
