i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
