Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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