Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
