my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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