This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
