separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
