with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize