He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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