I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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