She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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